June 17, 2011
June 14, 2011
A desperate and unrelenting heart…Internal state lately.
Summer has passed a month already. One summer course is down. Now I am sitting at the student union lounge, reading my bible, thinking about God, friendship, life, where I am at, who I am, why I am here. No doubt, there are a lot to think about. Storrs is quite, summer is even more quite. When I think back this year, what has God been showing me? what is God speaking to me? where God is leading me to?
Sometimes I am really lost for words. I think I have a lot of “don’t know in these past months” than ever in my life. I mean, I shouldn’t be, life should be super joyful and super awesome, especially in a Christian’s life. But how come my life is always full of questions? I come to the Lord again and again. When I have a lot of questions about Him, I always like to go for a run, to the horsebarn hill, to cry out and to pray, where nobody can hear and see me. Do I still have to believe in Him that His plan for me is good even no one really celebrates or remember my birthday? Do I still have to believe that He loves me when no one cares about me? Do I still have to believe that He has a great plan for me when I am working for catering this year and cleaning the bathroom last summer? What’s the deal? Especially when my peers seem like have their summer plans fall into places? Some work in the mayor office, some work in high court, some have internship. Do I still have to believe in Him that He is a God who does not have favorism as one of His principles when I constantly feel bias does exist in the world? What’s the deal? Where are my good friends? My heart is desperate, unrelenting, burning with hatred, questions, anger, disappointments, uncertainty, unloving
Couple days ago, it’s the wedding of my swiss friend, Sara. I knew that there were about 400 people in her wedding. Wow, that’s so awesome. Would my wedding have 400 people as well? Would I be able to find a good-looking, Godly, loving Husband as well? No one likes me, I bet most people would just send me a couple pennies for my wedding. Why? Because I know so.
1 An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends
and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.
2 Fools find no pleasure in understanding
but delight in airing their own opinions.
3 When wickedness comes, so does contempt,
and with shame comes reproach.
4 The words of the mouth are deep waters,
but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream.
5 It is not good to be partial to the wicked
and so deprive the innocent of justice.
6 The lips of fools bring them strife,
and their mouths invite a beating.
7 The mouths of fools are their undoing,
and their lips are a snare to their very lives.
8 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to the inmost parts.
9 One who is slack in his work
is brother to one who destroys.
10 The name of the LORD is a fortified tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.
11 The wealth of the rich is their fortified city;
they imagine it a wall too high to scale.
12 Before a downfall the heart is haughty,
but humility comes before honor.
13 To answer before listening—
that is folly and shame.
14 The human spirit can endure in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
15 The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge,
for the ears of the wise seek it out.
16 A gift opens the way
and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.
17 In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right,
until someone comes forward and cross-examines.
18 Casting the lot settles disputes
and keeps strong opponents apart.
19 A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city;
disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
20 From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
22 He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD.
23 The poor plead for mercy,
but the rich answer harshly.
24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Sometimes I am really lost for words. I think I have a lot of “don’t know in these past months” than ever in my life. I mean, I shouldn’t be, life should be super joyful and super awesome, especially in a Christian’s life. But how come my life is always full of questions? I come to the Lord again and again. When I have a lot of questions about Him, I always like to go for a run, to the horsebarn hill, to cry out and to pray, where nobody can hear and see me. Do I still have to believe in Him that His plan for me is good even no one really celebrates or remember my birthday? Do I still have to believe that He loves me when no one cares about me? Do I still have to believe that He has a great plan for me when I am working for catering this year and cleaning the bathroom last summer? What’s the deal? Especially when my peers seem like have their summer plans fall into places? Some work in the mayor office, some work in high court, some have internship. Do I still have to believe in Him that He is a God who does not have favorism as one of His principles when I constantly feel bias does exist in the world? What’s the deal? Where are my good friends? My heart is desperate, unrelenting, burning with hatred, questions, anger, disappointments, uncertainty, unloving
Couple days ago, it’s the wedding of my swiss friend, Sara. I knew that there were about 400 people in her wedding. Wow, that’s so awesome. Would my wedding have 400 people as well? Would I be able to find a good-looking, Godly, loving Husband as well? No one likes me, I bet most people would just send me a couple pennies for my wedding. Why? Because I know so.
1 An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends
and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.
2 Fools find no pleasure in understanding
but delight in airing their own opinions.
3 When wickedness comes, so does contempt,
and with shame comes reproach.
4 The words of the mouth are deep waters,
but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream.
5 It is not good to be partial to the wicked
and so deprive the innocent of justice.
6 The lips of fools bring them strife,
and their mouths invite a beating.
7 The mouths of fools are their undoing,
and their lips are a snare to their very lives.
8 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to the inmost parts.
9 One who is slack in his work
is brother to one who destroys.
10 The name of the LORD is a fortified tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.
11 The wealth of the rich is their fortified city;
they imagine it a wall too high to scale.
12 Before a downfall the heart is haughty,
but humility comes before honor.
13 To answer before listening—
that is folly and shame.
14 The human spirit can endure in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
15 The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge,
for the ears of the wise seek it out.
16 A gift opens the way
and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.
17 In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right,
until someone comes forward and cross-examines.
18 Casting the lot settles disputes
and keeps strong opponents apart.
19 A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city;
disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
20 From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
22 He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD.
23 The poor plead for mercy,
but the rich answer harshly.
24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
June 13, 2011
Summer 2011
Summer has been ok... sometimes i feel pretty lost. especially when not people are around.
Storrs is quiet and has little people.
how hard it is to love non christians without backing up by a strong christian community?...
i miss my aunt, my dad, my Godly friends......
The bridge has been ok. sometimes though, i feel like i have been abandoned by God.
Storrs is quiet and has little people.
how hard it is to love non christians without backing up by a strong christian community?...
i miss my aunt, my dad, my Godly friends......
The bridge has been ok. sometimes though, i feel like i have been abandoned by God.
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